Wednesday, February 17, 2010

This Is It

Okay. So here's the thing. I have been staring at this screen for weeks now with the vague idea that I should introduce myself at the beginning of this blog, and it's just not really happening. Instead in my mind I have compiled a list of things about myself that wouldn't serve as introductions, but are things that I would really like people to remember about me after I die. So here goes:

  1. I like cake. A lot. If your party includes cake, I'm there. And sneaking a piece home in my pocket. Or just licking cake directly from your serving plate, depending on how well I know you.
  2. I reeeeeaaaallly wanna win the lottery. And I totally think sheer desire should play a part in determining the winners.
  3. I can fit my whole fist in my mouth. Both disgusting and amazing, but sadly does not translate into any prowess in the childhood camp "Chubby Bunny" marshmallow game.
  4. I once yelled the sentence "Line 'em up!" when ordering shots at a bar. I'm not sure what this says about me, but it makes me laugh.
  5. I am a lover and a fighter and I don't think one should have to choose between them. I'm not sure how true this statement is, but I really like how it sounds.
  6. I want to be an Olympic figure skater. And even though I am staring down my 35th birthday (and don't know how to ice skate), a part of me still thinks this can happen with enough dedication and the right coach. I want to do this, not for Glory or America, but because that shit looks like Fun.
  7. I don't like my food to touch on my plate. At all. I hate food touching so much that china versions of those three-sectioned paper picnic plates have been purchased for me. I have an image in my head of letting this little demon loose and actually taking them to other people's parties and events.
  8. I make a mean margarita, can pour a beer faster than anyone I know, can remember multiple complicated food orders in my head (but not the location of my car keys), and am fluent in "Sweetie" and other restaurant lingo. Thank you to all of the various eating establishments and bars I have worked in over the years.
  9. I have fat thumbs. And I am self-conscious about it.
  10. I am never on time, am addicted to coffee, and often speak without thinking and think without speaking. I don't look good in hot pink, can't fold a fitted sheet to save my life, and I hold on to the hope that this thread I am hanging by will someday magically weave itself into a rope.
Maybe someday I will change the way this site looks. Maybe someday I will even post a picture of myself. Or maybe I will just leave it up to the collective imagination. Unless you know me. Then you are at an advantage of sorts (or not). And I like that a lot.



  1. You're such a great writer and interesting person. Keep 'em coming and I'll read it.....definitely. KKeyes

  2. Welcome to the blog-o-sphere! I will show up pretty much anywhere where cake is on offer. I'm not even picky about the quality of the cake (assuming it is iced).

    Also, can anyone fold a fitted sheet?

    Great blog title!

  3. This is awesome and complete you. And I am totally with you on the things not touching on your plate thing. I NEED some of those 3-sectioned China plates.

    I'm with you in saying No one can fold a fitted sheet...if someone can perfectly I'd like to meet them.

    You are hysterical, never quit being you!

  4. This blog needs to exist. The world is now a slightly better place.

  5. Thumb lipo? Just a thought.

  6. I prefer to think of my thumbs as "big boned."

  7. By "fold" a fitted sheet I meant "wad into a vague ball and shove in the closet."

    Cake is not required to have icing. It is also not required to be actually baked.