Wednesday, October 10, 2012

I'm stumped

My daughter believes that our house is haunted.

By a guy wearing purple pants with a mean face.

The details are pretty new, but ever since we moved in here she has had something like this to say. Actually all the kids at one point or another have mentioned something weird. Jackson has come downstairs in the middle of the night because he felt a burning hot hand on him and then went icy cold all over. Nathaniel has woken up saying he heard a scream. And now Avery with her poorly dressed dude... for two nights in a row now.

Apparently, he stands by the bathroom door on the landing upstairs. When I asked her how she got downstairs to tell me about it (because he would have been directly blocking the stairs) she said "He fades."


And now I don't know what to do about this. It's not like I can go "Ohmygod!! I know, right?" and reveal my belief in ghosts or the fact that I think there is something totally weird about this house too. And at the same time I can't say "Oh shut up. Ghosts are totally fake. Also, there is not a monster under your bed. Probably." That would just make her feel dismissed and afraid of things under her bed.

 I tried "Well, honey, he probably looks angry because he is wearing purple pants and purple pants are stupid." She was not amused. And then Jackson got upset because he really wants purple jeans from Old Navy and I had just called them (and by proxy, him) stupid. She was also not amused by "He probably is near the bathroom because he has to poop and you keep LOOKING at him so he feels embarrassed."

So I ended up telling her this morning simply that I heard her. That I believe she believes she sees the purple pants ghost. It seemed like a really good strategy at 8 a.m. when I was trying to get breakfast made and kids showered and dressed and lunches made. It seemed to calm her down a little. So I was a little surprised when she came running in to me as she was eating breakfast to tell me she saw the ghost standing right behind her in the kitchen. And then when she called me when she was in the shower to tell me she heard ghostly laughing. And then when she called me AGAIN from upstairs brushing her teeth, saying the guy was standing in the corner of the bathroom.

I have no idea what the hell to tell this child.

THIS is what parenting books should be about. NO parent really needs the parenting books that are all "Feed your kids vegetables!!" and "High fevers are bad!!" and "Car seats are important!!" Those books are bullshit. They don't tell you anything you really need to know. I mean, rodents can figure out to feed their babies, but no Guinea Pig mom has ever had to answer the Specter Question.

Parenting authors (I'm looking at you William Sears and Dr. Spock and whoever wrote that What to Expect Book) you have let us down. Shame on you.

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