Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Sometimes typos are the answer

I just sent an email, to a woman I have never met, with the subject line "Parent Rep Shits".

Awwww...... s-h-i-R-t-s dammit. SHIRTS.

And yep...this is how I am coming back from a bajillion month disappearance. Talking about typos.

Soooo.....how've ya been?

This feels like one of those times you run into an ex-whatever and it's all awkward and everyone tries to be all "everything has been AWESOME" and then maybe you hang out once in that we-should-grab-coffee kind of way and then inevitably one or the other of you start to think that maybe the other person likes you again but no one wants to be the first to say it. (worst sentence ever written)
So here goes......

I like you guys.

And this is what happened.

So a few months ago I posted about how I was all teeming with anxiety and how things get really really overwhelming sometimes. That is something that has always been true for me. I get all jittery. Like my insides don't fit. Like everyone is staring at me and making fun of my shoes. Like I am walking around with a booger hanging out of my nose.

But after that post I got all stern with myself and was all "You need to start taking care of yourself. You should go to the DOCTOR!" So I made an appointment with a gynecologist. Of course. Because when your head is messed up you definitely should go to a vagina doctor. Plus I figured that this was probably all due to menopause. (at the age of 37 and for issues I have had for my whole life- makes total sense) So I made the appointment with a gynecologist.

A new one. (Brilliant. But I had no choice because we moved to Cincinnati 7 months ago.)

I go to the new girly doctor and I make it through the whole blood pressure and weight taking part/torture. The doctor comes in and we are in the "getting to know you before I ask you to remove your pants" part of the appointment. He was nice. He seemed intelligent and caring. I held it together for approximately 3 minutes. Then he asked me if I had any concerns. I said that sometimes I feel anxiety. And then I started sobbing.

I'm not sure anyone has ever been Prozac-ed so fast in all of history. I think he would have wrestled me to the ground and shoved it down my throat if he had had any emergency Prozac on him.

The good part is that it helps. Some.

And then I spent the last few months playing. Mostly with these freaks.

I haven't talked about them much. I didn't talk about anything much because I was so afraid of getting pigeon-holed as a mommy-blogger or that chick that bitches about her teenager-like angst all the time or the lady who waxes philosophical about marinara sauce and sunsets.

So I played with these guys.
And I drew some stuff.

And I took some pictures.

And I am trying to remember that tiny piece of me that knows how to scream FUCK IT at the top of my lungs.

Except for at the library. They frown on that there.


  1. Nice one, Byrne. Glad you're back. Also, I totally read that as marijuana sauce. I have no idea why. But I bet it makes your dessert taste awesome.

    1. Marijuana sauce is delicious on Funyuns. And it is really good to be back. For realz this time.

  2. Ok so first off you know that your just normal right. That being said "where do you come up with stuff" So it looks like you took some time off from being a blogger and had a great time being a mom. I am sure your great at that Again Normal! So have fun being normal... and your own creative self while your at it

    1. I pay Satan for this stuff. But he is raising his prices so I am just going to have to rely on my skewed brain. And thank you.

  3. How's the Rolling Stones concert? You all better?

    1. Holy shit, I had to enter that captcha thing 4 times.

  4. I am soooo much better. Like haven't-felt-this-good-in-years better! Thank you!

    I have considered turning off the Captcha thing...but I am hoping that someday someone gets some funny combination of words. And once I was told that you need the Captcha or the bots will getcha. I don't really know what that means.

  5. I just turned mine back on because the anonymous comment spam was killing me. It wasn't actually posting, because I have everything older than 2 weeks moderated, but I still had to look at it in my inbox.