Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Worst. Job-Seeker. Ever.

"Do you have a high school diploma?! Do you want to be trained not to kill people?!"

Why yes!! That is me! I definitely would like to not kill people and I for sure have a high school diploma. In fact, that is the only diploma I have because that was the last time people weren't all like "Eh, we don't care if you come to class or not..." (Turns out they care enough to do things like "not accept late work" or "fail you." They are all like "You are an adult now." and you are all like "No way! I still think 10 a.m. is early and my mom still buys my shampoo." But whatever.)

So that's kinda how it went when I decided to take my summer program to become a Pharmacy Technician. And after a summer of finding answers to questions like.....

"If a doctor orders a 12.6% solution of dextrose to be administered to a patient by baby spider fangs at a rate of 900 drops per second and all you have on hand in the pharmacy is 700 mL of a 32% solution, how much sterile water and  unicorn sweat will you have to add to fill the required prescription?"
(And, by the way, the answer is NOT "Punch the doctor in the throat and then bitch incessantly because your pharmacy does not carry unicorn sweat.")

....I figured I would have a job by now. But I don't. I have applied and applied and applied- for all kinds of positions, including ones called Pharmacy Technician Trainees. But I haven't even gotten those, which really does nothing for my self-esteem. In fact, I may take to wearing a big sign that says "Untrainable" on it. Maybe. But what is really happening is that I am becoming a Human Resource Department Stalker. I get the idea in my head that instead of checking my application status online (again) I will call and maybe get to talk to a live human being and then maybe they will take pity on me or really like my go-getter attitude.

And so I call.

And they tell me to check my application status online.

And so I say thank you and hang up.

And then I call back and pretend I don't have internet access.

And so they say that if I haven't been called then they aren't ready to talk to anyone regarding the job.

And so I say thank you and hang up.

And then I call back. Only this time I get a little panicked because I figure they can recognize my voice. So I use a fake accent.

And they say that they haven't gotten through all the applications yet.

And so I say thank you and hang up. Only it sounds more like "theeenk yuh." (Yeah- I don't know what that accent is either.)

And so I call back. Only this time I panic because what if they have caller ID and know its me calling back and are just going to answer the phone to see what kind of other crappy voice I am going to do this time and then totally laugh at me over their lunch break......

I think my next step is to actually go to these establishments and hang out with my face pressed against their windows and shout out drug names like some sort of Pharmaceutical Tourette's. I think it will totally work.


  1. Wow lovin this Sharon. Good luck w your job search. And if your pharmaceutical tourretes continues, I'm sure they've got something behind the counter for that.....

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  3. I think I changed my mind. I think now I am just going to prove my prowess with those fancy child-proof caps.